On My Mind

The Pumpkins and PTO post is on hold, again.

Instead, today's post is of the A.D.D. variety, so strap yourself in and hang on.

(or not)

Oh, vulgar language alert. You've been warned.

Last night, the Yankees successfully pissed away another championship so as to win it at "home" tomorrow (Sorry, new stadiums don't get to be called home in their first year - especially when old home was The Shrine). By not ending it all last night, my Gilmore Girls date with hubby and Barry (tomorrow) has been rescheduled.

And that makes me crabby.

Watching the Yankees in the World Series makes me miss my Dopper. He was my baseball buddy (actually, I guess I was technically his baseball buddy), and I miss him terribly.

The Red Wings won tonight. Which makes me less crabby. A little.

I voted today. And got to vote, again, for a friend for City Council. Which makes me even more, less crabby. (I told you to strap in and hang on)

Rod Stewart needs to go away. He's going to break a hip, I fear. (Do not judge that I watch Dancing With The Stars)

I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO WATCH GREY'S ANATOMY LAST WEEK. shit.

There is a full moon, and somehow, it makes my children CRAZY. Seriously.

Princess - who has been sassy beyond belief lately - in a fit of five year old attitude rage, tripped in the dark in her room tonight and whacked her noodle on her bed rail. Instant, GINORMOUS goose egg resulted.
Totally shitty.

And tomorrow, Little Man goes back for Day 2 of preschool. I have no doubt that drop off will be tear filled as a result of the end of Day 1. For both of us.

As I said to my friend Diane tonight via text: WINE ME THE EFF UP!!!

-- Post From My iPhone

Pumpkins, Preschool and the PTO

Actually, the pumpkins and PTO part are going to have to wait until tomorrow (or later).

Here's a hint though: last week I helped out in the Princess' kindergarten room for the Halloween Party and tonight was PTO meeting #2. (And, since I'm less June Cleaver than Peggy Bundy, there are some stories. Shocking, I know.)

So, that leaves us with "Preschool". See, today was Little Man's first day. And, since I've been through this before, I was ready. Prepared. Unable to be surprised, yes?

(Go ahead and laugh. It sounds as ridiculous to me typing it as I'm sure it does to you reading it.)

Now, since it's the same preschool that Princess went to, Little Man has some familiarity since he often went with me to either pick her up or drop her off.

As we walked into his room, he sat with the rest of his class at the table because it was time for breakfast. Even though he'd eaten at home, he sat down, as directed, and broke bread with his new playmates.

He kissed me, waved goodbye, and I left. (No tears, but a heavy heart for sure)

When I returned to retrieve Little Man, he was sitting at a table, GIANT crocodile tears streaming down both cheeks, and making that (what I call) hup-pup sound ... that spontaneous, uncontrollable sound a child makes every few seconds after they've been crying REALLY HARD (as they're trying to regain composure) ..... Apparently, he did great all morning and through lunch, right up until they started getting the nap mats out. Seems he thought he was going to have to nap there and wasn't interested in that plan AT ALL.

When he saw me, he reached his arms out and began wailing again, a very pitiful, heart-wrenching cry that was both relief and exhaustion. He grabbed my neck so hard, wrapped his little legs around my waist, and muttered, "HOME" sob sob sob "NOW" sob sob sob "PEEZE".

I might seriously have to drug him(and me) to get him back in there on Wednesday ....

Mickey's a mouse, Donald's a duck, and Pluto's a dog. What's Goofy?

So, I stumbled upon an interesting thing … apparently, representatives from the Walt Disney World College Program will be at Western Michigan University tomorrow for recruiting purposes.

The press release on WMU’s website says the program offers a paid fall semester internship at Disney World (Orlando, FL) that provides living, learning and work experience.

** I will mention here, that I was involved with this program during a summer long, LONG ago. But I was at Disneyland (Anaheim, CA). **

Hold that thought. I’ll get back to summer 1989 in a sec …

So, the Walt Disney World College Program's “learning aspect” (which now has a fancy-shmansy name), is outlined as including “core business classes, elective seminars and self-directed study opportunities”.

I’m here to tell you that two outta those three things did not exist back in the day. And the phrase “study opportunities” leaves room for interpretation, I think.

But I digress …

The “work experience” is described as placing students “in positions at various theme parks, resorts and other Disney operations. Students serve as ‘cast members’ in areas such as merchandising, transportation, attractions, food services, custodial services, hospitality and serving as lifeguards”.

TRANSLATION: You WILL NOT get to be Mickey or Donald, Cinderella, Snow White or any of the dwarfs.
“Other Disney operations”, means GOOD LUCK landing a gig in the Magic Kingdom … (and if, by chance, you do, duties could include filling bins with 3-D glasses, placing them in a giant Freon (I think) machine to disinfect them, and then stacking the bins of clean glasses to be reused.)

Yep, that was one of the duties for which I was responsible back in the day. Actually, I landed a (mostly) cool gig thanks to some family favors called in on my behalf. I worked at the “Captain EO” attraction. (If you are unfamiliar, that was the 3-D sci fi film that starred Michael Jackson, was directed by Francis Ford Coppola, and the executive producer was George Lucas.) The film ran at the Disney theme parks back in the 80s and 90s.

Aside from Welcome scripts, pre- and post-show scripts, and general crowd control duties, we, as “cast members” also had the shitty task of cleaning all the 3-D glasses. Lucky for me, I was one of the few people who truly enjoyed memorizing and delivering those speeches to crowds of up to 800 people, and other “cast members” (seriously, that’s what Disney workers are called) who preferred not to hold the mic and hear themselves over the speakers, were all too eager to trade duties. So, I took extra turns hamming it up with the crowds (shocking) and skipped a few rotations in the 100+ degree heat at the freon machine thingy.

OK, so back to the whole “learning experience” part of the internship description … I was in California, and most of the students in the program were either from Arizona or Arizona State. And, they were CRAZY PARTY PEOPLE. CRAZY. PARTY. PEOPLE.

We worked all night (true story – the park was rented out for Grad Night parties and stuff) and slept or beached it during the days.

And there were “field trips” sponsored by the program. We went to some pretty cool places, but the most memorable adventure was the bus trip to Tijuana. The trip itself is for an entirely different blog post altogether, suffice it to say, for a couple of us, it was a one way bus trip...

So back to the whole "learning aspect" of the Walt Disney World College Program - I took no core business classes, and as far as the "elective seminars and self-directed study opportunities" are concerned, who wouldn't LOVE a syllabus that includes happy hour at a local Mexican restaurant and pitchers of CHEAP margaritas? I mean, c'mon.

OK, seriously, here’s what I learned:
1) I know the difference between Chip and Dale
2) I can name all 7 dwarfs
3) "They" (Disney honchos) mean it when they say "cast members" cannot point. Under penalty of death (or at least a severe tongue lashing), if a guest asks for directions, you must use your whole hand (or at least TWO fingers) when gesturing - YOU MAY NOT USE YOUR INDEX FINGER AND POINT. Ever.
4) Had I attended ASU, I would certainly have perished due to alcohol poisoning.
5) (This one is important) When taking a group bus trip to Tijuana – the departure times are NOT approximates. They’re real. And if you’re late, trying to get outta Mexico can take a LONG time and cost A LOT of money. (Also, FYI, US Customs frowns upon open bottles of tequila being carried into the country … even if you’re walking.)

6) Oh yeah, and I know Goofy is NOT a dog.

Is there a syllabus for the PTO?

As I have documented recently on this blog, Princess started kindergarten this year.

Also noted here and here, only one of us suffered any kind of separation anxiety about the start of the school year.

As a result, when the school newsletter came out - complete with the PTO meeting dates - I diligently put them into my calendar an announced to hubby that I planned on attending.

So, tonight was the first PTO meeting I attended.

As a matter of fact, I was SO looking forward to attending, I texted my mom to tell her (since she is an elementary school principal), and, even made it my facebook status update today:
Kalamazoo Mom of 2 is going to her first PTO meeting tonight ... think this announcement will deter her from getting volunteered for things: "A) I have no idea what my kids will be for Halloween, and when they do decide, NO I will not be making the costumes, B) My 5 year old never had an actual birthday party with her friends this year, C) I like wine ... A LOT, and D) I DO NOT BAKE!"?

See? SO. Looking. Forward. To it. (Big thanks to my friend, Barry, for commenting that he LOVED the status update and that is was SO me. Wait, maybe that wasn't a compliment?)

I will tell you this, that status update garnered more responses than just about any other I've had to date. The support of my friends (and family) was simply overwhelming; from the serious suggestions of partaking in post-PTO "madness" drinking, to those (hilarious ones) which made mention of becoming PTO President or social committee member ... the comments were plentiful:

My sister-in-law was eloquent, "Here's the deal, YOU say what all those other mommy's would love to say, but don't. Just remember, 'inside voice, inside voice'".
While her husband took a more direct approach, "two words: pie hole. Keep that puppy shut tight." (BTW, my mother, THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL PRINCIPAL agreed with brother-in-law's suggestion...)
Our family doc (who, I'm still not entirely convinced actually went to medical school, but, whatever) added his two cents (which will likely cost me a $35 co-pay): "I've written a doc note to get someone out of a PTO function. They're serious! HINT: DON'T GO!"

There were others ... all of the same ilk.

Well, 6:15 rolled around and I headed out the door to the meeting.
As I pulled into the parking lot, I was on the phone with a girlfriend, whose chuckling (at my PTO meeting attendance) I interrupted:

"Oh shit - everyone is getting out of their cars carrying notebooks and boxes and stuff! All I have is my iPhone and a coffee. The meeting starts in two minutes ... I can't be empty handed AND late! Gotta go!"

Her laughter at that point would have made a hyena jealous.

I navigated to the Media Center, where the meetings are held, grabbed a piece of paper from a stack that the two moms in front of me had also grabbed, then sat down (in the back, away from the "action").

I looked at the paper in my hand - it was an agenda. While the moms around me had their Trapper Keepers and pens poised to take notes, I was digging through my purse praying I wasn't going to have to use my Aveda lip liner as a writing utensil.

A man called the meeting to order (seriously), and asked for a motion to pass the minutes from the previous meeting ... there was a "second" ... and "all in favor" ... and a "anyone opposed" ...

Dr. Nick was right - serious stuff, indeed.

There was a Treasurer's Report (and here I thought we were going to talk bake sales and father-daughter dances) and lots of discussion on various fundraisers (including one about creating our own cookbook - yeah, I'm SO OUT on THAT one, unless there's a section for beverages).

Lists were passed around for volunteers on all sorts of things (I actually almost volunteered for one, as a joke, which would have had me making dinner as part of an auction item "A Week of Dinner from the PTO", but refrained since I'm not sure anyone else would have appreciated the attempt at humor), but I sat there quietly and did not make eye contact.

We got updates on Skate Night, Movie Night, Spirit Wear sales, the Student Directory (which apparently had quite a bidding process), Popcorn and Picture Day (2 separate days).

Still, I just listened. I was a sponge (although, by this point, I was drifting a little and began to wonder how long it would take me to actually read the ENTIRE encyclopedia set I was staring at through most of the meeting).

All of a sudden, the meeting was adjourned.

I made it.

My name appeared on no lists. I was not asked to bake anything. I had to action items to complete before the next meeting. (And, no, I was not made PTO President).

I did it.

I won.

Well ... almost.

Somehow, I was suckered into buying a Spirit Wear t-shirt for the Princess ($5) and 2 of her class pictures ($4 a piece).

Final score: PTO, $13 - Rockstar Mommy, ZERO.

Damn ... so close.

My Girl Rocks

It's a gorgeous, early fall day here today, so after Little Man went down for his nap, Princess and I took off for some errand running and some fun.

It's almost impossible to ignore the rejeuvinating effects of being outside on a day such as this.

Princess and I are having a blast, and, per usual, she has said some hilarious things:

HER: Guess what mom?

ME: What, sweetie?

HER: Isaac, from school, lost 3 teeth in a row!

ME: Wow! 3 teeth? That's crazy!

HER: Yeah, he had the hat trick of lost teeth.


Are. You. Kidding. Me??!!!!

If you don't know hockey, this conversation was likely lost on you.

But if you do, you understand why I think my 5 year old rocks!

School buses and broken hearts

I have been meaning to blog about Princess' first real day of kindergarten since last week. I posted here about the actual first day of kindergarten, but as I noted, she failed to recognize it as the official first day since I was allowed to stay with her the whole time.

Kids.

Well, little Miss Independent showed up in spades on Wednesday morning ... Popped out of bed (she is a notoriously S-L-O-W riser in the mornings), ate everything that was placed in front of her (nary a nose wrinkle), got dressed without issue, brushed her teeth without asking "have I brushed enough yet" 67 times, and even stood perfectly still while getting her hair brushed.

She gleefully grabbed her backpack and proudly announced, "I'm ready!"

Only problem? Mommy wasn't. So. Wasn't. Ready.

Alas, the whole family headed outside for pictures and the trek to the bus stop.

SIDE NOTE: Little Man, not to be outdone, took one look at Princess' backpack and immediately started yelling "BACKPACK ME!" (Which, actually sounded more like Bat. Pat. Mmmeeeeeeeee.)

Princess had a spring in her step that would make Mary Lou Retton jealous, while I felt as if someone had replaced my bones with quick dry concrete on speed. Everything around me was moving so fast - and I was dragging an anvil to the party.

And my heart? It was breaking. Actually, it was bouncing around with all 40 pounds of my enthusiastic 5 year old skipping ten feet in front of me.

And, it was about to board a bus. Without me.

Excruciating doesn't even begin to describe it.

Hubby and I stood at the bus stop watching Princess practically burst with excitement as the bus rounded the corner.

Bus stopped.

Doors opened.

Princess bounded toward the bus.

(Mom instinctively followed, hiding behind the camera - literally and figuratively.)

She sat where she was told. Smile on her face. Even had a cheery, "Hello" for her bus driver.

She had an equally cheery, "Bye, Mom!"

Heart. Broken.

Itty bitty pieces parts. In that 5 year old's backpack.

Doors closed.

Princess waved and flashed that million dollar smile through the window.

Bus pulled away.

Mommy in tears.

I had a lot of very supportive, empathetic and sympathetic calls, emails and messages from friends and family about how quickly this next journey will pass, and how thankful I should be that she is so excited. And they're right .... and I am.

Next big hurdle was resisting the urge to follow that bus to school. Again, I received lots of input form friends and family about whether I should or should not, but this email from our friend, Rick (a bachelor with no kids, mind you), was the funniest.

If you follow the bus to school this morning, your daughter will automatically begin to ignore you, not tell you things, be embarrassed by you (especially around her friends) and, generally-speaking, sell drugs. She will sneak booze at 13, steal the car at 14, be pregnant by 16 and have all three of you in therapy by 17. You will ruin all the hard work you've put in these first five years and become so frustrated with her that you'll pray a different bus comes along to pick her up -- one that you have no desire to follow.

Or, you could just watch, wave, dab a tear or two, go back in the house, pour a glass of wine, and pat yourself on the back for a job well done.

Then go to your meeting drunk.

(Hey, you said you were going to be worthless during it, anyway. Why not be happy?)


For the record: I did not follow the bus to school that morning. Just in case.

I could TOTALLY be a U.S. Senator

A friend of mine, had a facebook status update this evening that prompted this post. It was a link to the Huffington Post highlighting a video of Al Franken drawing, from memory, a map of the U.S. (yes, all 50 states) at the Minnesota State Fair recently.

As the article says, "The video is set to music, so it's impossible to hear any "oohs" or "ahhs" from the audience."

It also goes on to say that, "This isn't the first time Sen. Franken drew the map for an audience. Franken showed off his cool party trick and auctioned it off during a 2007 Democratic fundraiser in Minnesota."

I watched the video.

And, I have to admit, he did a nice job (both times).

So, it got me thinking ...

Back in fifth grade, I had to learn a song called "Presidential Boogie". As a result, I still know all the U.S. Presidents. In order. (Talk about your cool party tricks!)

All that's missing, I guess, is the video.

And then, I'm on my way to being a Senator, yes?